Two Fathers...Twice The Love And Learning

It's Father's Day.  I lived a different life than many who will make tribute to fathers this day, for two very different men fulfill the role of father in my life.

Womens childhood relationships with their fathers are important to them all their lives. Regardless of age or status, women who seem clearest about their goals and most satisfied with their lives and personal and family relationships usually remember that their fathers enjoyed them and were actively interested in their development.

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I was quite young when my parents divorced.  Cultural differences and family issues raged throughout their lives - and therefore - through my own.  My father is a good man, upright and very, very German.  He is possibly the most intelligent person I've ever known.  His demand for excellence motivated me, but I struggled to live up to his expectations.

It is impossible to please all the world and one's father.

Jean De La Fontaine quotes

My father was my teacher, instilling in me a love for G-d, his law, for justice.  He read to me almost daily.  G-d's law was ever discussed, examined, explained.  Never allowing me to take the easy way out, my father insisted I confront myself in all areas of life.  A master logician, he rebuffed any faulty argument, shaping my worldview and igniting in me a thirst, a quest for knowledge, truth, and wisdom.  I can not fully express my gratitude.  His example laid the foundation for my love affair with words.  English words, root words, Hebrew words, Greek words - all were defined, compared, and discussed.  My father studied continuously, he does so to this day.  My father taught me the beauty of ritual and worship. I respect him highly, and his opinion is one I value dearly.  I will get the harsh truth when I ask for it (and sometimes when I don't ask for it); this comforts me.  It's a stable rock to stand on, to spring from as I pursue new adventures.

I remember a very important lesson that my father gave me when I was twelve or thirteen. He said, You know, today I welded a perfect seam and I signed my name to it. And I said, But, Daddy, no ones going to see it! And he said, Yeah, but I know its there. So when I was working in kitchens, I did good work.

Toni Morrison quotes

In stark contrast, my step father hailed from the Mediterranean.  He is a man of love, a man of hugs, of praise and openly expressed emotion.  Large family gatherings, boisterous conversation, gentle guidance, and a world where everything revolved around the family table - a life where connection held top billing - this was his gift to me.  He taught me every bit as much as my father, but his lessons focused on building strong family ties and offered a sense of belonging.  While he held very high expectations, his love was never in question.  Praise was given when I succeeded, and maybe lavished even more when I put myself out there and failed.  I never wondered if he was proud of me.  There was never a time I could not share my joys, my fears, my anything.  He suffered through the teen years like a trooper, schlepping through malls and Deb Shop like a pro!  He spent countless hours schooling me in Cribbage - we still play...and he still wins.  Chiller Theatre on Friday nights around a large bowl of popcorn, motorcycle rides to get a frozen custard, noodle making day, yard work, laundry, after dinner dishes...he spent time with me - and still does.  We have tea.  We talk about life.  We laugh over the kids. 

A father is someone that holds your hand at the fair makes sure you do what your mother says holds back your hair when you are sick brushes that hair when it is tangled because mother is too busy lets you eat ice cream for breakfast but only when mother is away he walks you down the aisle and tells you everythings gonna be ok.

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In some ways, I count myself luckier than most.  Two very different men stepped up to the plate to raise a daughter in two very different ways.  The benefit is all mine.  I gained the ability to view the world and all that goes on in it through two lenses - at times complimentary, and at others opposing - and because of that, I have the richness of both perspectives.

To both of my dads...Thank You.  I love you. 

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, "Daddy, I need to ask you something," he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.

Garrison Keillor quotes